We try to fill life with pleasures, but often instead of the expected long-lasting happiness we experience a short-term joy that is replaced by disappointment. It would seem to be a logical strategy: if you want more pleasurable moments, organize them, and you’ll get the desired feeling of elation. But it doesn’t work that way.
First, we must deal with emotions: they are born in response to changes in the reality surrounding us or in the inner world. For example, when we meet a loved one or hit a jackpot at https://nationalcasino.com/hi/live-casino, we feel joy, and encountering an aggressive colleague in the office, we get irritated. The intensity and nature of our emotions are largely determined by our assessment of the event that is happening or that pops up in our memory. The interpretation of a situation as “good” or “bad” depends on our expectations, beliefs, and values.
Saying Goodbye to Excessive Expectations
The first cause of dissatisfaction may lie in unreasonable expectations. When one sets one’s mind firmly on what is right and wrong, defining a list of life values as rigid, one’s world view becomes a system. The stricter our beliefs and expectations, the harder it is to adapt to reality and the greater the frustration. Conversely, the less we expect and the more flexible our beliefs, the more often we are able to have fun and experience joy.
When discussing the traps of the mind that prevent us from fully rejoicing, it’s important to remember “negative thinking”-usually referred to as the tendency to focus our attention on unpleasant present and future events.
Over time, this thinking strategy leads to the formation of mental habits and stable neural connections, turning a quite reasonable at first calculation into an uncontrollable automatic process that can poison your life. Besides, our psyche has such a peculiarity as a limited attention span. We can focus our attention on only a small number of objects or events, five to seven at a time. Everything else passes by the level of awareness, in other words, we do not notice it. There is no room for joy when our attention is consumed by adversity.
It’s important to make plans and be aware of the possible unpleasant consequences of some events. But we should not tie our well-being and happiness to a single variant of their development. We must remember that the world and people around us may not always meet our expectations, but they can bring us joy in a different way. We need to let them do that. Faced with an unexpected change of plans, don’t rush to get angry, say to yourself: “Let’s see how things turn out next, maybe it will be interesting.
Noticing the Good Things
A simple daily exercise of remembering and listing the pleasant events of the day will help to form a new type of thinking and different neural connections. In the beginning this will require regular effort, but in time it will more than pay off with a sense of the fullness of joyful experiences.
The second cause of frustration is, oddly enough, related to the growth of consumption and comfort in life. With today’s standard of living, we can easily meet many of our needs. Literally get delicious food, desirable clothes, trendy gadgets and entertainment in one click. The advertising industry and the abundance of expert bloggers’ articles create an illusory association of happiness with possessing anything. A person seeks possession, receives short-term pleasure, which is quickly replaced by disappointment and satiety. No heap of things in and of itself gives joy.
A true and deeper sense of happiness is associated with the meaning we give to our lives, with the realization of dreams based on values important to us, with the satisfaction of existential and spiritual needs. It is not necessary to immerse ourselves in the study of philosophy or religion. It is enough to show simple kindness and attention to the people around us. For example, with a sincere smile to wish a good morning to a neighbor or a little more patience to fellow travelers in transport, knowing that they, like you, at this early hour would prefer to be in a comfortable bed. At work, you can pay a compliment to a colleague or give him an idea for a difficult task. And in the evening, spend time with loved ones, taking a genuine interest in the events of their lives.
Sharing the Kindness
When we share our warmth and attention with those around us, we get in return warmth and a grateful smile that can fill the heart with joy for a long time. And even after some time, the memories of such moments give us joy and a smile on a bad day.
It’s important to take care of the comfort of our lives, because when our basic needs for food, warmth, and quality sleep are not met, it is extremely difficult for us to feel happy. But we should not associate the joy in life with the possession of the benefits of civilization. Try to fill your days with communication with people who are happy for you. Give daily attention to friends. Take 10-15 minutes to have tea or coffee with a colleague you like. Appreciate the warmth of relationships with loved ones.
